The Caregiver Con

Many people have expressed their satisfaction that I am leaving the state on Friday. I have not taken offense at their apparent eagerness for me to leave town; they all claim I need a break as a caregiver. This past summer I felt the same and put out a call for people to spend time with Cindy during a week in December, while I made use of our timeshare for the first time in three years, taking an extended break as a full time caregiver for the first time in eight years.

Throughout the fall season two things increased my reluctance to follow up with this planned vacation. One was better health. Throughout the summer I got my blood pressure down through better diet and other quality of life factors, that in turn enhanced my brain and emotional health. As I felt in better health my need to leave lessened and my apprehensions for leaving Cindy grew. At one point I was inclined not to go. That opened the door for the caregiver con.

A woman responded to my online call for staying with Cindy in December, offering to become a live-in caregiver funded by the Caregiver Homes program. That indeed is the best solution to my caregiving needs, for December and beyond. The woman enticed me further when she claimed she would: “sing Cindy to sleep at night.”

I have sung Cindy to sleep many nights, just as I sang all our children to sleep many nights when they were young. I consider singing my children to sleep the second best parenting thing I did, surpassed only by reading to them profusely. In retrospect, I can see where someone doing their homework would know the importance of being sung to sleep holds for me, but coming as a surprise coincidence this tender gesture struck a nerve.

The woman had a hard luck story accompanying her desire to come here as soon as possible, just as I had my own hard luck desire to get her here quickly, to train her in Cindy’s care before I left for a week. She provided documents to support her story and what needed to be done for her to come to Connecticut. In short, we were to engage in a financial quid pro quo.

I will not go into all the details of what happened next; sharing this much is painful enough. I do so for the same reason behind all my blog posts; sharing our experiences hopefully will benefit others in some way. I wish all the benefits our experiences provide others were due to keen insights and unparalleled savvy but, unfortunately, sometimes I benefit others by playing the fool.

In this particular con I learned something new about the transfer of funds. Our quid pro quo involved the woman and I transferring funds to each other. I actually thought it was pretty cool that I was using her bank account to pay off a few credit card balances. Then my bank alerted me there were reversible and irreversible means of transferring funds and the way she was transferring funds to me could be reversed. I discovered this to be true immediately after I called an end to our little quid pro quo.

In my defense people target me fairly often because of my age and online presence. The number of intended cons that reached the conversation stage yet I still warded off are in the double digits. Unfortunately, this was the first con that was going to: “sing Cindy to sleep at night.” Normally I am a pretty smart guy, but perhaps we all have our weak spots and moments.

So here I am about to leave for Florida, to everyone’s apparent delight, with my pocketbook a little lighter and blood pressure now a little higher again. I do leave Cindy in good hands. Charissa will be here for the entire time and all the regular friends and agency companions are coming for the week. Some of Cindy’s family and old friends will visit as well. My worries should be limited.

Yet worries I have. I worry about how Cindy will do without me. How will others find the chores that I do so efficiently at this point? Will her health deteriorate? Will her sense of me deteriorate? Will she miss me not singing to her at night? In addition to the potential benefits this blog post might have for others, I hope the benefits in rejuvenation from this coming week will exceed the costs incurred.