Sidetrip to Vegas

We wanted to get a problem with Charissa’s car fixed before the long drive home. We also wanted to visit the folks who are odds-on favorites to be our daughter Serena’s future in-laws. We combined these objectives by dropping in on Ralph and Diana Good near Las Vegas.

Diana works at an adult day care center that accommodates Alzheimer’s patients. Early on she remarked on how calm Cindy is in comparison with agitated patients in her care. She was indeed calm enough for us to visit the Las Vegas Strip while we were here.

The Strip is a place with themed venues based on exotic places, spectacular entertainment such as cirque de soleil, tourists speaking foreign languages and people spending lots of money. In other words, the Vegas Strip is a lot like Disneyworld. Of course, there also are frequent reminders of “Sin City.”

Cindy got through Sin City just fine, with her toughest challenge being the escalators. At one point she froze behind me at the top of one escalator and I had to keep running back up on to guide her down. I could imagine the puzzlement of those behind us. Fortunately, we’ve always done things that puzzled other people and are somewhat immune to such embarrassment.

Be that the case, I wondered about the fate of Alzheimer’s patients and caregivers who are too self-conscious to be out in public. Activity is key to “keep those neurons firing” as one friend recently commented. Adult day care centers work on that premise, but I imagine nothing works so well as getting out and about. One has to be prepared for awkward moments, but that never phased me before. I just hold Cindy’s hand to guide her along with the same love and affection. Admittedly, I broke contact once to fidget with something. She fell behind the crowd for a little ways and gave me a bit of a dirty look when I reclaimed her. Outside of that, she enjoyed our sightseeing experience.

We’ve wanted to see the movie St. Vincent since being out here and accomplished that during our stay in the area. The movie was very touching, particularly with the relevance to our situation. Cindy cried at the end, but I don’t think through self-awareness. She just happens to be a warm, empathetic person that cries at touching moments. For that matter I shed some tears as well, but in my case there was some self-awareness going on.

In the movie Vincent’s wife has Alzheimer’s and no longer recognizes him. Charissa was once alarmed that Cindy sometimes forgets who she is but I can guarantee that is not true. She struggles with names whenever asked and sometimes is not in the present moment, but she always knows who we are.

Even so, I can’t help but wonder if Cindy will get to the stage where she does not recognize me. That did not happen with my Mom, at least not until near the very end. My brother Pete is near the end of his life with Alzheimer’s and I still got the sense he recognized me. I think Cindy will recognize me until the end. Is that just wishful thinking?

For now I am much less apprehensive about Cindy’s memory than I am about her disconnect between mind and body. I’ve accepted much at this point. Helping her “use the woods” over the course of this hike has become a new normal. Watching her fidget with things like zippers or put a fork to her mouth when she wants to drink causes a little more consternation. The worst for me comes at night when I can feel Cindy’s body involuntarily twitching next to mine. Such moments sadly emphasize to me how her mind is fighting a battle.

Our stay in Vegas felt a little bit like home. Ralph and Diana are wonderful, down-to-earth people. Someday it will be a pleasure sharing grandkids with them. Will Cindy have the opportunity to join in that pleasure as well?