Meltdowns

From my 1977 hike I remember the Alpine Lakes Wilderness as one of the most beautiful parts of the PCT. As is often the case, accessing such remote beauty often comes with a cost. Equipped with the knowledge that the North Cascades from Snoqualmie Pass to the Canadian Border are the most challenging part of the whole PCT I still did not fathom correctly how tough the trail conditions would be for someone with agility issues.

After the previous day spent negotiating tough creek crossings, blowdowns, washouts and rocky trail conditions, Cindy had reached her limit. The trail was obscured by brush and partially washed out in places. At one point Cindy’s foot slipped off the path and she slid to the ground. Physically, she was OK. Mentally, this was the last straw. She pounded the trail repeatedly and yelled “I hate this! I hate this!” Then she sobbed.

I recall my own meltdown when hiking the Appalachian Trail in 1975. Near the end of a 12-day, 30 miles per day stretch I had reached my own limits. The AT has frequent white blazes to mark the way. I had gone near 20 miles when absence of blazes struck me. I hiked a mile back to the last trail junction and tackled that section again. Though I took extra care to choose the right path the blazes disappeared again. I backtracked a second time. As I set out from the trail junction a third time it finally occurred to me that I was on new trail that simply had yet to be blazed. Fortunately I was all alone as I threw a tantrum full of shouting and swear words.

Before anyone becomes alarmed, be mindful that someone with Alzheimer’s, when not having a delusion, is focused on the present moment and soon forgets either the Goode or the bad of the immediate past. An accumulation of frustrating “present moments” with the trail conditions led to a seldom seen meltdown for Cindy, but our six days through the Alpine Lakes Wilderness induced a few ups and downs.

The first two days were “up” as Cindy felt strong, even telling me at one point to hike faster. Then came the “down” from two days of tough trail conditions. That was followed by the “up” of having Charissa with us, leading Cindy to say at one point: “she makes me happy.” Then came another “down” as rainy weather came upon us.

The worst aspect of this stretch for Cindy was the length. The reason for that length was our new resolution to lower the mileage. Understandably, when adversity hit she could not grasp why we could not just get out of there. I could not say “we’ll reach town tomorrow” because we were on a six day stretch between roads. Fortunately, all future stretches we face will be shorter, particularly when we return to California. Also, now that it appears Cindy is not deteriorating, that a cold and fatiguing trail conditions are instead the culprit, perhaps we can add a mile or two per day to our average.

Cindy again provided a compelling reason to continue. The Alpine Lakes Wilderness is indeed a temple of beauty. As Cindy, Charissa and I paused on an exposed section of trail to overlook the majestic panorama of lakes and mountains, Cindy commented:

“I am blessed for being out here mostly all the time.”

The spot where Cindy said “I am blessed”