Lessons from Two Busy Weekends

I have not posted for awhile, in part due to two busy weekends; two different weekends, two different lessons driven home by them.

On April 30 we went to a wedding on the Sinclair side of our family tree. Mike Sinclair, my great nephew (or, as I prefer, I’m his GREAT uncle 🙂 ), once lived here on Emerson Street where our kids became great friends with Mike and his siblings. Mike and his brother Shane used to come over in the evening and I would read the Lord of the Rings trilogy to them and my children. Mike also went on a long distance hike I organized for teenage youth.

The next day, on May 1, we went to a family party on the Galvin side of our extended family tree. The party was held by Cindy’s sister Lynn, the closest in age and kinship out of Cindy’s siblings. Also invited were two of Cindy’s close high school friends, Lenore and Fran. Their attendance is at the heart of the lesson learned that weekend.

Relating to a loved one with Alzheimer’s requires a huge adjustment. When our daughter Serena first moved in last summer, she was easily upset by what was happening to her Mom. Now she handles the day-to-day living with Cindy well, being light-hearted and upbeat, even though the Mom she dearly loves has deteriorated further. Here’s a post she made on her own blog. I’m proud of her.

Fortunately, now our extended families also handle Cindy’s condition well. Both the wedding and party were joyful occasions for the most part, lots of smiles and hugs for Cindy which I know warmed her heart. The almost exception to this was from Cindy’s two high school friends, who were seeing her for the first time since her affliction. When they first greeted Cindy I feared they were about to shed tears on the spot; her condition is, after all, pretty obvious.

They remained solemn until we sat down together to eat at the same table. I asked them to share stories about Cindy. They picked just the right type of stories to share. Cindy was much more of a rascal than anyone might expect. Perhaps we all are greater rascals than people suspect, if just the right (wrong) stories from our past are told. Lenore and Fran had Cindy laughing and, just as important, they had themselves laughing. A lesson learned.

On Saturday, May 14, our daughter Charissa graduated from Sage College with her Masters degree. I’m proud of her, too. On Sunday, May 15, Serena’s boyfriend Kevin graduated with a Bachelor’s degree from The Hartt School. During the weekend I was reminded just how long college graduation ceremonies are, in the neighborhood of three hours. Admittedly, I zone out for much of the ceremony.

But Cindy paid attention.

During Charissa’s ceremony Cindy suddenly broke into tears. I snapped out of my daydream with some alarm. As I did so the words of the speaker filtered into my mind and I understood. The speaker was sharing heartwarming details of her Mom.

Charissa graduating with a Masters

Much the same thing happened the next day at Kevin’s ceremony. I once again zoned out; Cindy once again broke into tears; I snapped out of it and came to realize the speaker was the cause of Cindy’s tears. The speaker was providing testimony about the good deeds of a humanitarian who was to receive an honorary degree. I tell you, what a sap my wife is!

As I’ve often shared on here, more is going on in the Alzheimer’s mind than we think. While a “normal” person like me was unable to sit through three hour ceremonies and stay focused, the Alzheimer’s mind was better equipped to perceive important events (important for someone like Cindy) as they occurred. If someone with advanced Alzheimer’s perceives accurately what one stranger is saying about another stranger, that person certainly can perceive when anyone is speaking about him/her in the third person. Be mindful of that. Yet another lesson driven home from a busy weekend.