Helping Grandma

I gradually adjusted to Cindy’s condition, much like a swimmer slowly wading into cool waters rather than plunging in. For those that do not see Cindy on a daily basis their adjustment was more like a plunge, sometimes with a similar shock. Our kids were shocked to varying degrees from the “plunge,” as were our extended families of siblings. Less shocked were the circle of friends who came to help out as companions for Cindy, the self-awareness that they would not be shocked probably accounted for their willingness to volunteer in the first place.

Then there are our visiting granddaughters, ages two (Marabelle) and four (Lyla). They are not shocked at all, since they did not know their Grandma to be any other way. Lyla and Marabelle play around their grandma without any discomfort and are conscientious about giving her a kiss on the cheek goodbye when they leave. Lately in this warmer weather we all go out to explore the village center, with Lyla eager to help push Grandma in the stroller.

When we walked across the country Cindy frequently mentioned she looked forward to having grandchildren. At times that would tug at my heart because I did not know if her wish would come true. When our grandchildren first arrived during her hospice years I still lamented that she could not fully enjoy what she had wanted so much. I also lament that our granddaughters cannot receive Cindy’s full warmth and vibrancy. I fear I am lacking as a substitute.

Yet there is still much to be cherished in this situation. Action speaks louder than words. Nothing I could say to my grandchildren would demonstrate the value of love and responsibility to others as effectively as being Cindy’s caregiver. Nothing could prepare them for treating the less fortunate with compassion better than being part of her care as well. Obviously I wish Cindy never had dementia, but seeing our granddaughters handle this situation better than most adults comforts me during this trying time.