Help Wanted

I am a my life, my responsibility kind of guy. I will never take an aptitude test. Neither Myers Briggs nor any other personality assessment will engage my participation. I quickly scroll past all the social memes that will tell me what celebrity, animal, etc I am most like. I rebel against the self-fulfilling prophecy. I will be who I want to be, when I want to be, with the option to change my mind whenever conditions call for that.

Yet despite my allegiance to free will there are times during this caregiver journey that I cannot help but feel a deterministic universe conspires against me. For example, I recently found out that I did not clear all the hurdles to have solar panels installed after all. The last minute hold up? The ramp that I use to get Cindy out in her adult stroller interferes with access to the utility box required for the solar panels. I likely will wait until fall, after our outdoor season, to clear that last hurdle. Or at least I hope it is the last hurdle.

My cursing of the fates stems not from solar panels, but from lack of coverage. The amount of coverage I receive in a week determines what I can do besides being a caregiver. This can be sorted into four hierarchies of increasing importance.

Home Care and Errands
Once Cindy needed a hospital bed on the first floor, I relied upon aides for the care functions of giving Cindy a sponge bath and hair shampoo, using this time to take care of errands as well. Only a handful of times over the past seven years has there been so little coverage that Cindy did not get a sponge bath that week. Usually I get at least ten hours of coverage, which allows me enough time to get all the weekly errands done in addition to Cindy’s care.

Projects
Projects such as this blog keep my mind engaged and provide more purpose in life. I need more than ten hours of coverage per week in order to progress with projects, which is more than I get lately. I switch back and forth between different approaches and agencies to find coverage, but there has been a shelf life for aides no matter which strategy I use. Too many weeks without more than ten hours of coverage builds frustration over the inability to get anything done.

Fun
With more than twenty hours of coverage I can have a little fun. For me that means hiking, visiting folks or dining out. Last year was a good year for coverage and I managed to have a little fun on almost a weekly basis, not so this year. I thought I secured an aide a couple weeks ago that provided sufficient hours for fun, but that already has fell apart. Pessimism over the current state of affairs changing suggests I need to try something radically new.

Vacations
For vacations I would be satisfied with occasional long weekends. This happened for the first time last year, after I found out Cindy might come off of hospice care. No coverage could be found to keep her at home, but hospice allowed for her to kept in a nursing home for a couple nights instead. Nothing wrong happened there, but keeping her at home would have been so much better had adequate coverage been available.

With a longer block of time available to me I also would arrange for performing the American Discovery Symphony or engage in public speaking at caregiver conferences. The time has come to go beyond the blog to provide information and inspiration for others with their own caregiver journeys. I feel like my potential light is partly hiding under a bushel.

The unreliability of coverage for projects or fun, and the unavailability of coverage for vacations or gigs, leads me now to employ a brand new strategy. I seek a housemate, which is not the same as a live-in caregiver. As always I will be the primary caregiver, but in return for free room and board I hope to find a female nonsmoker who can help with caring for Cindy during lapses in coverage, and to stay with her during an occasional long weekend.

CNA experience would be a bonus but aides will still visit and I will remain the main source of Cindy’s care. I can train anyone for what might need to be done in my sparse absence. Throughout our marriage we welcomed people into our home for lengthy stays with everyone treated as family.

I joined a site called Care.com to search for such a person. There have been a few inquiries, but caregivers on that site primarily seek a job, not a place to live. One person agreed to an interview and even checked out this blog. Yet the morning of the interview I had an overwhelming premonition, which alas came true, that neither would she show up for the interview, nor would she notify me to cancel.

So I am reaching out to our social networks to help me find a housemate. I abhor playing the victim almost as much as aptitude and personality tests, but my frustration has been building. This free will acolyte is starting to curse the fates. I implore anyone reading this to help me spread the word or provide any leads towards finding a housemate. Comments or emails welcomed. Help me to help Cindy, myself and others.