Give Me Some Sugar

The beginning routine of every morning is the same for Cindy. As I walk over to her side of the bed I make some funny faces or postures to set the right tone. Cindy smiles as I pull back the covers, but she does not move. I alternate the next part of the routine a little; I might say:

“Time to get up, buttercup!”

Or

“Don’t make me pounce on your bladder!”

Cindy giggles a little as I grab the bottom part of her legs and swing them over the side of the bed. I guide her to a sitting position, grab her hands, then pull her up to a standing position. Cindy wobbles when she first stands up; I wrap my arms around her and say in a sexy voice (sexy, for me anyways):

“Give me some sugar.”

We hug each other until I can feel the tension in Cindy dissipate, a signal that she now has her balance. Occasionally when I start to release the hug, Cindy will clasp tighter. She is clasping tighter more often these days, for other reasons than her balance I suspect. Once we are done hugging I grab her hand and lead her to the bathroom.

After our bathroom chores I must now help her dress. I face a problem here in that Cindy views any undressing as exposure to the cold and clenches her arms tightly in front of her bosom. Once again I wrap my arms around her and say:

“Give me some sugar.”

Again the tension in Cindy dissipates. I slip my arms in between hers and wrap them around her a few more moments. Once she relaxes I now have a relatively easy job of pulling her pajama tops up over her head. As I keep pulling to get them off Cindy’s arms she will grab the end of the sleeves tightly until I say “let go,” one of the few requests she usually follows well.

There are several occasions throughout the day when the “give me some sugar” strategy needs to be employed: getting out of chairs, getting out of cars, undressing for the shower, dressing after the shower, undressing for bed. Each time I say “give me some sugar” and not “I’ll give you some sugar.” The distinction is important.

How does an Expedition Woman maintain dignity in response to continually advancing Alzheimer’s? How does an inherently independent woman cope with depending on someone for everything? In reality there are little to no actions available to Cindy to assert her dignity or independence. Words will have to do and they have to be my words. By saying “give me” instead of “I’ll give” I’m suggesting, a handful of times each day, that Cindy is doing something for me, that I am dependent on her for “some sugar.”

Maybe this caregiving advice is intuitive to everyone. Yet for me, a pretty independent person myself, it’s not natural to suggest what people can do for me, rather than what I can do for them. The Calm the Mind campaign underscores this need (hang-up?) of mine to also suggest what I can do for others, rather than simply ask what they can do for me. Yet Cindy’s balance continues to deteriorate, the reason why we wish to install a walk-in shower with a bench.

This is the first of a series of posts to complement the campaign. The next ones will be:

A Tuft of Flowers
Motorcycle Mama
Family Embedded in a Community

Please consider “giving us some sugar” by purchasing the “Humility, Faith, Courage” single on CD Baby, while “getting some sugar” in the form of calming the mind.