One moment during breakfast this past week Cindy suddenly broke out in tears. Though I am not sure of what was going through her head, I have enough experience to guess what precipitated her tears, the song from Carole King’s Tapestry album that started playing. I comforted Cindy the best I could, while considering that her situation was anything but a blessing or gift.
I bring this up partly because of my last post … Seek Beauty. Love Kindness. Embrace Joy … may make it seem like our situation is actually a blessing. Additionally, I’ve read other caregivers describing their situation as a gift or blessing from God. On the one hand this is comforting; a caregiver who considers the situation a blessing is likely to be one that is doing his/her absolute best for a loved one. Yet I doubt all caregivers feel that way, nor should they.
Life deals us hardships, not blessings, yet we are given gifts to either deal with or grow from these hardships. Many hardships happen by chance; by chance life proves to be neither a fair nor intentional judge in the dealing of these hardships. I do not believe, like Jonathan Edwards, that all hardships result from us being “sinners in the hands of an angry God.” We can choose how to grow from hardships, or not; our own actions may be responsible for some of those hardships; but in no way do they represent intent from a loving God.
I may have the gift of being an upbeat person for dealing with our hardship; I may be developing the gift of patience from that hardship; Cindy may have, for the most part, the gift of being warm, kind and happy even in the face of such a hardship. Yet all these gifts might have been tested or developed through different hardships, hardships that do not suddenly bring tears when listening to a favorite album from a favorite artist. I’ll concede that I’m growing and our affections blossom, but in no way will I ever consider this particular hardship to be a gift or blessing, just the chance hardship we were dealt from which we choose to grow and persevere in happiness.
The following morning a Tapestry song once again started to play; starting up from where the album left off the previous day. Cindy’s face flushed and her mouth started to curl. What is it that goes through her mind by listening to her favorite artist? Some kind of realization that things are not as they should be, no doubt, but what in particular?
I’m a quick learner. Before any tears are shed I’ve raced over to the iPod and switched to The Beach Boys. Surfin’ USA comes on. The flush face and pout disappear and her legs involuntarily start to shimmy with the music. I bust some moves and we smile at each other. Tears averted; joy maintained. Yet continuing to “Seek beauty. Love kindness. Embrace Joy.” in our current situation does not mean we are experiencing a blessing, instead a hardship for applying and nurturing our gifts.
My cousin, Elaine, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s two years ago. She did some research and started taking a spoonful of Coconut oil whenever she thinks of it. I telephoned her a few days ago and she sounds exactly like she did two years ago! I hope she is on to something!
Sorry this took so long to approve; I usually get on just once a week. We have taken coconut oil for a long time now. It does not really work for Cindy but the science is sound behind it, if not all the hype.
There are different causes for dementia, depending on the cause and one’s typical diet, coconut oil could indeed work like a miracle for a person who suddenly takes it faithfully … or not. There are no side effects so we both continue to take it faithfully. It could be helping me, but not Cindy at this point.
Be well.