Getting Rest

We are about to wrap up eight days of rest, with most of them spent here at Connie’s house. Our purpose appears fulfilled; all our illnesses seem to be gone and we feel ready to hike again with better trail conditions ahead. Yet Mike made this observation yesterday:

“You don’t ever have a real rest day.”

I never thought about a “real rest day” until now. Early in the hike I had one; Charissa and Cindy were on an overnight stretch without me. As soon as Charissa saw me the next day she announced, while fighting back tears, that she could not do that again. Since then I’ve just accepted I always would be with Cindy, except for some day hiking, without concern for a “real rest day.”

When we took a year to hike across the country I was with Cindy 24/7. She did not need the care she does now and her mental impairments improved during the journey. I now fondly remember her often repeated “I’m getting better.” She has not said that during this long hike. Still, 24/7 seemed a bit much back then and I resolved to go off on my own occasionally when we got back home.

That did not happen until a year later. In the interim Cindy was examined again; again a doctor ruled out Alzheimer’s while declaring Cindy to be “temporarily disabled.” Finally I decided I must be part of the problem, not allowing Cindy to exercise her own will sufficiently. I got a residential camp job for the summer, coming home just one day a week.

During that time Cindy suffered her sharpest decline; soon after she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. With all the articles out there suggesting that Alzheimer’s caregivers need an occasional “real rest day” I looked for ways to have one. Leaving Cindy with our son Noah at home proved unwise because he lacks the patience needed; arranging for others to stay with her one weekend proved difficult and I ended up worrying about her anyways.

I suppose when we get back from this journey I’ll need to find ways to have a “real rest day” again. For now I don’t really need one, save for two things. I always appreciate an occasional break from helping Cindy “use the woods.”

I also would appreciate a good night’s sleep sometime. The only night I recall that occurring was when we were safe and warm in our tent during a storm, feeling like old times again. Unlike this night, as I type this up at 3:00 am. I am a light sleeper in the first place, but that is compounded by being flooded with thoughts of how different things are now from “old times” when I’m awake.

While I don’t expect a “real rest day” out here, I would love to settle for an occasional restful night. Maybe that will come as we embark on the second half of our journey.