Elder Rest Addendum

I omitted one strategy in the Elder Rest post.  First, a little refresher about our sleeping arrangement.  After Cindy’s first and worst seizure in March 2019 she was placed in hospice and moved to a hospital bed in what was our living room.  I added a twin bed that became a separate couch by day, my bed pushed up next to Cindy’s at night.  A physical division separated the hospital and twin beds, but that did not change our sleeping habits.  We never spooned when we slept, since neither the physical positioning nor the extra heat was conducive to falling asleep.

Cindy continues to have seizures every few months.  Changes to her diet and other strategies make the seizures much milder, but in addition to those she has mild spasms daily.  For years I have given a low dose of lorazepam to Cindy before bedtime to prevent such spasms and allow both of us to sleep.  There often comes a time in the morning when the mild spasms occur before I am ready to get up.

Occasionally, I reach across the divide to hold Cindy’s hand when her morning spasms occur, which serves to calm her after a few minutes.  Recently I realized that they calm me as well.  Holding her hand would not be effective for me when I first go to sleep, as the physical awkwardness likely would shorten my first sleep cycle.  Yet sleep cycles shorten throughout the night, with falling back to sleep becoming tougher each time.  Holding Cindy’s hand works well for the last, morning cycle and I sometimes hold her hand now even when she does not have spasms.

I believe there are two reasons why this hand holding intimacy works well for me.  First, my intent is to calm Cindy, not me, which ironically makes it easier to calm my mind as well.  Second, the neurotransmitters released during intimate touch benefit the brain, which could mean a naturally sedative effect as well.