Early on in our marriage I handed the checkbook over to Cindy. I forgot what prompted this, probably just the notion that we should take turns. Within two weeks there was a $500 shortfall in our checking account, not because of wild expenditures, just faulty bookkeeping. I took the checkbook back and have been the keeper of our finances ever since.
When our kids were old enough Cindy worked more due to her higher salary. I worked less and managed the household more, not in terms of actual housework such as cleaning (heaven forbid!), but in terms of making family decisions and making sure the kids were where they needed to be. Most of Cindy’s decision making would have been for work. Thus by the time Cindy started showing other symptoms of brain dysfunction I had few opportunities to observe her decision making abilities.
three arrows
A year after our return from hiking across the country both Cindy and I were guilty of some very poor decisions. I met a homeless person calling himself Mike at a library during a snowy March. He subsequently sent me an email asking for shelter. I laid out the caveats: few jobs in Norfolk, difficult place for transportation and this household had some health issues. He would need to find some other solution by the end of the week and he agreed.
Except … a few things happened before the end of the week. He was helpful around the house and Cindy enjoyed his company. The end of the week came and went as Mike embarked on a major home repair project for us; while we all delighted in watching Star Trek reruns at the end of the day. Next thing we knew he had spent two months with us.
Then the third month got a little weird. By this time Mike’s own mental health issues were surfacing and in the near future I would be taking a job at a nearby residential camp. Had Cindy been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s by this time I would not have taken the job, but without knowing precisely what was going on in Cindy’s head I thought I would try giving her a little more autonomy, sort of like turning the checkbook over.
Turns out that the residential camp was a poor decision, but at least I had resolved to insist Mike leave the house before then. Just our son Noah and Cindy together was going to be interesting enough; no need to compound the “interest” by having Mike there. I told Cindy I would do this, then she made her poor decision. No doubt because she enjoyed Mike’s company, she said she’d like him to stay.
After my first day away Cindy reversed her decision. Fortunately, Noah was there to enforce it; our neighbors the Whites also were on the wary look-out by this time. Mike was ushered out of the house and he set up a tent by a brook on our tent corner. He said unpleasant things to Cindy and the Whites when he had the chance. Somewhere in the blogosphere Mike also bad mouthed me, though I’ve never been concerned enough to track that down.
The result of our poor decisions was Cindy’s worst decline in mental health occurred during the two months of my absence (save for one day a week). No coincidence, I suppose, that right after this episode was when doctors finally conceded she had Alzheimer’s. Hence, I cannot say for sure whether “Poor Decisions” are a brain dysfunction symptom that can be caught early enough to reverse. My intuition is “yes;” if you catch yourself or a loved one making uncharacteristically bad decisions it is not too late to reverse the cognitive decline.
This is undeniably true !!
Sending love your way : )
It was probably too late by then. It may not have been preventable at all.
There was a surgeon I knew here who gave up his practice at 50 because of EOA.
She did one awesome thing for her future even though it may have been far from her mind. She picked you.
Thank you for those kind words.