An “In Body” Experience

Maybe the slight change in our routine caused this to happen. I went downstairs to brew the coffee, then came back up to snuggle with Cindy a bit before getting her day started. I climbed out of bed and went over to shut our door before helping Cindy do the same. Only this time, as I grabbed the door, Cindy said:

“Don’t go.”

Hers was not a despairing tone, more like a “Hey! I’m enjoying this!” tone. I went over to her side of the bed, embraced her and snuggled some more. As always, this was a moment of warm joy for both of us, until ….

For some inexplicable reason I started imagining myself as an observer witnessing this tender scene, with close to an out of body experience. From this remote vantage point I no longer felt warm joy but, instead, the tragedy others must see of two loved ones who must part. At the point of a tear welling up I shook myself away from this out of body vantage point back to our warm embrace.

From this experience I understand why many view our situation as tragic. Ironically, the more I write with tenderness about our final journey the more some people will view our situation as a tragedy. Overall, that’s a good thing, the fact that we are hardwired for empathy and kindness. I usually encourage our ability to adopt a different person’s vantage point. Yet ….

“Tragedy” is not in my game plan for Cindy. Sure, she experiences grief at times. Perhaps I was hasty in objecting to the line of an Alzheimer’s poem: “sad and sick and lost,” but only because those words express what we all feel at some point in our lives. Cindy, as is the case with us all, will determine how much and when she needs to grieve, but I will not detract from her quality of life by contributing further to that need. If a tear wells up I do not show it; rather, I usually embrace Cindy at such times to allow our love and joy to cure my grief instead.

I am not in denial. Dementia is tragic for all involved. Let’s put that aside, not just for me but for yourself and anyone you know, patient or caregiver. Rather than me adopting an out of body experience that sees our situation as tragic, I ask you to adopt my in body experience of a warm embrace nurturing love and joy whenever the opportunity arises. Allow your gifts of empathy and kindness to shine through for the benefit of all involved.

Please be as uplifted by our final journey as we choose to be.