A Leg Up

In order to get Cindy’s socks and shoes on or off I sit next to her on the bed and lift one leg up at a time to rest on my lap. The striking thing about this simple procedure is the stiffness of her leg, locked in a crooked position, exactly what I imagine rigor mortis to be. I mention this because I have not read about this phenomenon elsewhere and do not recall this happening with my Mom. In the interest of revealing the Alzheimer’s mind to prepare other potential caregivers I share this experience with Cindy.

I also share this because, metaphorically, caregivers find themselves in ever changing situations where we need to adapt in order to get “a leg up.” At first I felt frustration with Cindy’s “rigor mortis.” Here I am helping her get dressed and she is making things more difficult. Of course, it’s not really her that is making things difficult, in the sense that her mind loses control of her body.

I no longer get the least bit frustrated as I factor Cindy’s “rigor mortis” into the dressing routine. Think about it. Work routines that many people go through are far worse than the obstacles caregivers face. Granted, my routine constantly evolves as Cindy constantly declines. Yet, just as everything gets easier with practice, I find now that I’m a “meta-adapter,” I’ve adapted, acquired a “leg up,” to the constant process of adapting.

Two years ago I thought Cindy might not be with me at this point, either because she passed away or in a nursing home. I was not able to keep my Mom here until the end, which led me to conclude the same would happen with Cindy. Yet as I’ve adapted to each new challenge, as I’ve become a “meta-adapter,” I become more confident that I can care for her right up until the end.

I know I’ve expressed these points in some form, but they bear repeating. As long as caregivers can gain the perspective that their routines are no worse, and likely better, than work routines (which might necessitate trading work for caregiving for this perspective to occur) they have one leg up. Once they also adapt to constantly adapting, indeed, finding the process of adapting easier as time goes by, they will have “both legs up” on their way to maximizing the quality of life for their loved ones.