“Love kindness. Build community. Believe in humanity.”
That quote is the tagline for this Humanity Hiker website. I created this website before our 5,000 mile walk across America. At the time I could not disclose that our main purpose was to reboot Cindy’s life and brain health, yet needed a cover for why we were uprooting our lives. I declared our purpose for the American Discovery Trail (ADT) journey was to observe and report on kindness and community across America, both in presentations to the communities we passed through and on this website. My previous long distance journeys revealed how kind people can be, both to strangers and to others in their community, which prompted the humanitarian creed.
During our ADT hike Cindy improved, but regressed again after we returned. I continued as her full time home caregiver and applied my academic training to researching brain health. My research uncovered one of the most important ingredients for preserving brain health:
“Love kindness. Build community. Believe in humanity.”
Yes, this humanitarian creed also increases your brain health. Guaranteed. How do you think I lasted so long as a full time caregiver for a loved one with dementia? We all have the opportunity to be caregivers in our lives, whether for loved ones, neighbors or strangers in need. We also are all journeyers in some way, whether that journey occurs on a long distance trail or as we navigate the challenges of life. This website represents the perspectives of a care partner journeyer, or a journeying carepartner, with information and inspiration for both pursuits.
The Contents menu provides a chronological reference for this blog, the Features menu provides collection of posts corresponding to special topics. Both will be expanded as new themes emerge over time. Note also the Subscribe form. My former subscriber list is gone with this revamping so I need both followers and newcomers to sign up. I am still working out the kinks with this, but subscribers will receive one of my music compositions. This will become very important for my future plans and I hope you will encourage at least one friend of yours to subscribe as well.
One reason for the revamping was the longevity of my home caregiver role, going on fifteen years now with this post. I needed to change things up a bit with my life and with this blog in order to keep both vibrant. The two other websites I created are part of this change as well. Moving forward I plan to provide more personal vignettes that cater to the caregivers among us, plus one extraordinary feature for the journeyers. More about that when everything is ready.
I now have a companion website designed for humanitarians, called the Unenlightened Wisdom Project. The subtitle for the project is “Journeying from Brain Health to Democracy.” Give it a look sometime and subscribe to that as well.
The third website, as of now still in development, will be for eCommerce. People can purchase/book my writings, music and/or presentations for humanity. Perhaps I will offer merchandise someday as well, with items that display the humanitarian creed:
“Love kindness. Build community. Believe in humanity.”
I discovered a new sleep hack I can add to the ones I shared previously. In my Elder Rest post I distinguished between hacks to help me fall asleep at bedtime from those needed when waking up in the middle of the night. I have the most trouble falling back asleep at around 4:00 am. By that time 2-3 sleep cycles already have occurred.
For falling back asleep in the wee hours holding Cindy’s hand and deep breathing help. Counting the deep breaths turns this tactic into a mindfulness form of counting sheep. Perhaps brought about by the long snow season, I now have a third wee hour tactic. I go for a walk/jog in my mind.
During “outdoor” season I go for 5-10 mile jaunts pushing Cindy in the adult stroller. During “indoor” season I occasionally manage to go outside for 3-5 mile jaunts. I have followed a handful of routes hundreds of times, ingraining each one into my mind. The saying “I can do that in my sleep,” literally applies here.
When I go for hikes in the waking world I sometimes have a particular problem I want to solve. My mind drifts instead to wherever it wants to go instead. The same principle applies to the sleep world. We stay awake because too much weighs on our minds. By going for that walk in my mind my thoughts turn to my “surroundings” rather than my issues. Pair this with deep breathing and you have a form of meditation.
I still recommend deep breathing and counting first if you only need one strategy to fall asleep in the wee hours. I often need two. If you go for frequent walks over familiar routes, which you should do anyways for other health reasons if possible, add this new hack for a form of meditation. Then again, holding a partner’s hand if you have one helps two people. All three hacks can be done simultaneously, essentially meditating while at one with someone else.
I am starting to sound like a New Age guru. Please offer your own sleep hacks in the comments if you have them. Like and share this one with others. Encourage your friends to subscribe.
What do you give a person in the final stage of Alzheimer’s everything she really needs,? I decided on baking a brain health cake for Cindy’s 66th birthday. Not having baked a cake in decades did not deter me.
I actually baked a cake as my first attempt at cooking. One snow day while home from school I asked Mom if she could guide me. That subsequently became my go-to snow day activity. I favored a strawberry cake recipe back then. Now I am all about chocolate baby!
Some might say my conversion to chocolate means I’ve come to my senses, literally. I say that learning about the polyphenols/antioxidants in dark chocolate sealed the deal. Yet I did not stop there with making the cake “healthy”… for a cake. I cross referenced a few recipes and ratios to come up with my brain health cake. Here is that annotated recipe:
Mexican chocolate cake 2 cups whole wheat flour – The original Mexican chocolate recipe called for white flour. Whole wheat has more fiber, iron, calcium, protein, and B vitamins (B-1, B-3, B-5, folate).
6 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder – This low calorie ingredient is high in fiber, antioxidants (polyphenols), magnesium, iron, and manganese. The original recipe called for 4 tablespoons, but other recipes called for a smaller ratio of cinnamon to cocoa powder.
¾ cup pure maple syrup – Pure maple syrup contains manganese, zinc, riboflavin and polyphenols. This makes maple syrup the most nutritious of high sugar sweeteners. The original recipe called for 2 cups of sugar. However, other chocolate cake recipes only called for 1 cup, and the standard conversion of maple syrup to sugar is ¾ to 1. I took a chance on less sweetener.
1 tsp ground cinnamon – Cinnamon contains potent antioxidants that improves insulin sensitivity, reduces blood sugar levels, lowers cholesterol, and is anti-inflammatory. This is my go to dessert spice for brain health and what makes this particular chocolate cake “Mexican.” Common ratios suggested 1 tsp to 8 tbsp cocoa powder. With the original recipe calling for 4 tbsp I compromised with 1 tsp cinnamon : 6 tbsp cocoa powder.
1 cup softened, unsalted butter – This may be controversial. The original recipe called for a combination of margarine and vegetable oil, which would be better for heart health and reducing LDL cholesterol. However, this is a brain health cake. Increasing evidence is coming out regarding the benefits of various dairy fat for brain performance.
1 ¼ cup milk – The original recipe called for 1 cup water, ½ cup sour milk. I used a slightly less total amount of just milk to compensate for the extra liquid involved in substituting maple syrup for sugar.
2 eggs – Eggs provide all nine essential amino acids. They also contain choline, selenium, vitamins A, D, B2, B12, and antioxidants. Despite the bad rap they used to get for cholesterol, eggs are a superfood for brain health.
1 ½ tsp baking soda – The Mexican chocolate cake recipe called for 1 tsp, but another recipe with maple syrup suggested 1 ½ as another compensation for the liquid sweetener.
1 tsp vanilla extract – This is nutritionally and calorically insignificant.
Notes: The recipes with sugar called for baking at 350 degrees for about 30 minutes, but substituting maple syrup requires a lower oven temperature for better taste. My oven seems to bake hot, so I ended up baking at 325 degrees for about 30 minutes. Cake was properly cooked and textured when it came out.
Cream cheese and sour cream frosting 8 oz cream cheese – Most calories in cream cheese come from fat instead of sugar and has vitamin A.
4 tbsp softened, unsalted butter – See above.
¼ cup sour cream – Again, the calories from fat instead of sugar.
1 tbsp pure maple syrup – The original recipe calls for vanilla extract.
2 cups powdered sugar – See notes below.
Notes: I wanted to substitute healthy maple syrup for nutrient void powdered sugar, but the liquid content turns the frosting into a glaze. What can I say? It’s a birthday cake! Maybe next time I go with a glaze.
Taste test: The cake tasted great! The texture fell between a normally airy cake and a dense one. I was fine with the texture, considering even more baking soda might affect the taste. I did not really taste much of the cinnamon, so maintaining the original ratio by using 1 ½ tsp cinnamon to 6 tbsp cocoa powder might be better. The home health aide reported the cake to be “balanced and not too sweet.” She ate the whole slice. I had no trouble feeding Cindy her birthday cake!
As I receive more coverage this year I spend some of my time writing at one of the two local establishments. Both serve delicious coffee. The environs and coffee stimulate my thinking, but at the cost of at least one trip to the bathroom.
While taking care of business I look up from my target to note the portrait of a duck at eye level. He seems to be laughing and I chuckle in response. The owner of the Berkshire Country Store must have put the portrait there for that very response. That in turn causes me to reflect on one of my two favorite Robert Frost poems.
The Tuft of Flowers begins when a lone farm worker “went to turn the grass once after one who mowed it in the dew before the sun.” At first his thoughts turned to being alone with his chore on that day. He concludes a lone existence to be the way of things, even when people work together.
A butterfly catches his sight and he follows the beautiful winged creature’s path until it alights on a tuft of flowers. In appreciating the beauty of the flowers he feels a kinship with the butterfly. Then he realizes that the flower still exists because the mower who came before him also appreciated their beauty and left them alone. The lone farm worker, no longer feeling alone, imagines himself communicating with the mower:
”’Men work together,’ I told him from the heart, ‘whether they work together or apart.’”
With one of my favorite poems in mind I imagine telling Ryan: “Well done! You got the chuckle out of me you wanted.” Yet he knows that without me telling him. If not me, then the other male customers taking care of business in his bathroom. Being able to “feel each other” makes being human special, and helps to keep us from being alone. It’s called empathy.
I enjoyed haying immensely when I worked on a farm sixty years after the 1913 publication of The Tuft of Flowers. Times change. Unlike Frost’s lone farm worker, the teamwork involved in picking up and stacking hay bales contributed to my joy.
Now when I pass by the fields I used to hay in 1973, tractors and trucks take care of all the tasks. Two workers may be present, but usually just one, reverting back to the days of Frost’s poem. Do the drivers still get to appreciate a beautiful tuft of flowers nowadays? Who is to say?
We live in trying times. We may look at the behaviors of others and feel estranged rather than connected. If you get this feeling while in town may I suggest visiting the Berkshire Country Store? Buy a cup of coffee, get a chuckle while using the bathroom, then give a nod to Ryan on your way out. Tell him I sent you.
The three feet of snow and single digit temperature found me trudging along the carriage road in Barbour Woods. This path and I go way back to before I attended Center School and Mom occupied me with walks in the woods. We used the Shepard Road entrance and would go as far as a boulder where Mom sat and watched me climb. After I became a parent I appreciated the strategy she used for an energetic youngster.
Back then the boulder towered over me. Now I am taller than the “boulder,” which might be considered more of a rock outcrop. During my extensive wilderness travels I encountered real boulders that towered over my adult size. Yet none hold the towering presence in my memories as the rock outcrop along a carriage road in Barbour Woods.
I cannot remember my age when I first followed the carriage road beyond the “boulder” to the stone bridge. Old enough to be on my own by then, but young enough to be thoroughly enchanted by the sight. How could a young mind look at a forest path traversing an old stone bridge without conjuring trolls and other fairy tale images?
The stone bridge now lies in total disrepair. To postpone the inevitable, at one point my brother Ernie helped to reinforce the structure. Now wooden fences bar the way across on either side, pieces of stonework fallen into the stream below. As viewed from an alternative steel bridge constructed downstream, the ancient stonework now conjures images of old Middle Earth.
I remember the year when I hung a left at the stone bridge and followed the stream downhill, admiring the frozen cascades along the way. January of 1977 featured less snow but a frigid six degrees when I ventured on my nature walk. I veered from the path with the confidence of someone who already had much wilderness experience. Unfortunately, I also possessed the foolishness of someone without enough experience.
Entranced by one particular cascade I walked on the thick, frozen ice up to the base. Unfortunately, the frozen churning water did not extend in thickness to the shallow pool at the base. The end of that day found me in a hospital bed, with a heating lamp over my toes. A complete stranger dashed into my room to see “the crazy person that ran barefoot over the snow.”
In fairness to me, I made enough good decisions after falling through the ice to prevent hypothermia or losing my toes, but that makes for a story to be told another time.
I trudge through the snow far beyond the stone bridge now, closer to the exit on Lovers Lane. I follow cross country ski tracks up to Beech Hill, which occasionally keeps me from plunging through the deep snow. I pause periodically to catch my breath. Some would caution against such vigorous exercise at my age, but I need to stay fit for two people.
During “outdoor season” I push Cindy in her adult stroller for 5 – 10 miles. In the winter I hike or jog these trails so that I can continue to take Cindy out when spring comes. I have four, six and eight mile routes, with only the latter requiring me to leave Barbour Woods to “conquer” Haystack Mountain on the other side of Route 272.
I think about the trail that heads off to the left before reaching the boulder (rock outcrop) from Shepard Road. The end of this short trail brings you to the top of a steep hill overlooking the Wood Creek watershed and flood control dam. Haystack Mountain rises beautifully in the background. A rock the right size for sitting provides a convenient spot for admiring the scene and reflecting.
After snowstorms our son and other neighborhood kids came here to snowboard down the steep slope. I joined them a couple times. They added jumps to the hill for themselves, but I had enough trouble just negotiating the two drainage gullies that traverse the slope. One time Trent and Glen came by on their cross country skis. In a pure fluke I carved down the slope in front of them and navigated the gullies without falling once. Ever since then I fancied that these two experienced recreationalists mistakenly thought that I could snowboard!
On another wintry day in 2009 I cut down a tree near this spot. The family had been going through our darkest time, dark enough to abandon Christmas traditions that year. Yet snowstorms inspire me. A few days before Christmas I trudged through two feet of snow to defy cruel Fate.
Fate continued to be unkind as I trudged along, offering no evergreens of suitable size and appearance. After reaching the outlook, the spot made for reflection, I decided to cut down the next evergreen tree of suitable height, no matter the appearance. I ended up with a hemlock, the sorriest evergreen that might be used for a Christmas tree. As I trudged back home dragging the sparsely branched and needled tree behind me, I realized I chose the perfect tree for the occasion after all.
The next year I bought a Charlie Brown type tree, less than two feet high, which fulfills a personal Christmas tradition.
I used to call the rock at the top of the outlook Davidson’s Rock. Karen Davidson meditated there often, before passing away all too soon from cancer. Her Mom, the beloved Dottie Satherlie, just passed away at age 102. Dottie earned a reputation as one of the kindest and most charitable souls to ever call Norfolk her home. She sat with Cindy as a volunteer for four years, always making us feel like we were doing her a favor.
I reach the top of Beech Hill where the Norfolk Land Trust placed two Adirondack chairs for viewing Haystack from a different angle. The chairs provide more comfort, but I prefer the view and nostalgia from Davidson’s Rock. The time has come for me to call that place Cindy’s Rock now, as prominent in my memory as the “boulder” a preschool adventurer climbed long ago.
As I head back down Beech Hill part of me wants to veer off to go by the two memorable rocks of Barbour Woods. By doing so I would manifest the impetuous me that fell through ice or dragged a tree through two feet of snow. Instead I literally retrace my footsteps, sensibly landing in the holes I already made. With the older you become, sometimes memories have to be enough.
I make a concoction called brain health soup. One batch feeds Cindy and me for about a week, or a little less if shared with others. Several folks have praised my brain health soup, but the most meaningful endorsement came from our daughter Charissa. After sampling some of my soup she declared with an incredulous tone, a tone that revealed she could not believe her taste buds:
“Dad! You can actually cook!”
To which I replied:
“That’s because I do not care how things taste.”
I only put stuff in the soup that benefits brain health, without consideration of taste. As a long distance hiker I focused on quantity more than quality of food for most of my life. I discovered by accident that stuff good for the brain happens to taste good. I like to accept the credit anyways. Now you can accept credit as well with this recipe for brain health soup.
INGREDIENTS
Broth 1 – 2 quarts chicken stock 1 heaping tbsp black pepper 1 heaping tbsp turmeric 1 heaping tbsp ginger 1/4 – 1/2 cup parsley flakes 1 5 oz can tomato paste
Notes: how much chicken stock I put in depends on how soupy or stewy I make it, which in turn depends whether I want the batch to last a whole week or not. If I just use a quart of chicken stock I will add a can of diced tomatoes instead of tomato paste. The essence of the good taste comes from the spices in the broth.
Vegetables 1 cup of mixed black, kidney and cannellini beans carrots broccoli, spinach or both onion
Notes: I put the beans in first, even before the spices, as they must simmer for hours in the broth. The proportions of other vegetables depend on the ratio of stuff to broth you want, though I always use at least one medium onion. Carrots and onions as root vegetables last a long time in a broth without fermenting. Broccoli lasts pretty well in a broth, spinach not as long. Which dark green vegetable I use depends on how long I want the batch to keep.
Sauteed Meat 2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts Italian dressing lemon juice onion minced garlic same spices used in broth
Notes: I may use a variety of peppers in the saute as well, but these seem to ferment the quickest if left in a broth for a long time.
STEPS
Add the stock and other ingredients for the broth into a large pot. Include the cup of mixed beans. Bring to a boil on high, then turn down to low medium heat. Stir occasionally.
While broth is heating chop vegetables and add to the broth. Chop chicken breasts into small pieces.
Layer a large frying pan with Italian dressing. Add some of the chopped onions (and peppers if desired). Add the chopped chicken and turn the heat on to medium. Drizzle the the layer of chicken with lemon juice and sprinkle spices. Sprinkle about 3 tbsp of minced garlic over top. Heat about five minutes, turn over chicken and heat for about five more minutes.
Dump entire contents of frying pan into the pot. Simmer for at least four hours to cook the beans. For an extra kick add ten drops Tabasco or other hot sauce to the broth while simmering. Add Parmesan cheese either while cooking or whenever reheating the soup.
I actually do care how things taste these days and I never get tired of eating this soup. Let me know if you try and like it as well. If making the batch for a lot of people rather than a lot of days, add the peppers!
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Our kids now cringe whenever I ask a clerk or waiter that question. They were with me when I got the best answer from a checkout clerk at a convenience store in Long Island.
“I’m sorry sir, but the store does not carry enough change.”
Perfect! Had he been a waiter I would have tipped him generously. From that time on I asked about paying with my looks at every opportunity just so I could share the best answer to that question. And every time I asked in front of our kids, they rolled their eyes.
Then came the time I asked our waiter Tubby at what was the Wood Creek Bar and Grill in Norfolk. I was there with Cindy in what we called the datemobile at the time, a wheelchair I used to get her around Norfolk. I did not get to deliver the punchline this time because Tubby said “Sure!” and covered our tab.
Yes, I know. Tubby did not cover our tab because of my looks, but rather because of my devotion to Cindy. Another time at the pub strangers from another table also covered our tab. The pub has been good to us in more ways than covering our tab, forming a big part of our story. What is now called the Norfolk Pub has been a big part of many people’s stories. But that is changing soon.
In the year 1800 the population of Norfolk was a little over 1600. According to the 2020 census we are now a little under 1600. In many ways Norfolk has been a steady town in the state of steady habits. I boast about that to outsiders as one of our charms. Yet the town center reveals that not even Norfolk remains unchanged over time.
My earliest memories of the space now occupied by the pub was that of a post office. Not until I left for college did the space first become a pub, Ken’s Pub. Some folks claimed their earliest memory of the pub to be that of Casey’s Bar and Grill. Maybe my own memory fails me, but I remember Casey’s being located two buildings down, in what now is called Infinity Hall. Also in the building was Mubarek’s Market, Norfolk’s grocery store at the time. Mubarek’s became the Apple Store, still a place to get groceries. Then the building became dormant for a few years before becoming a concert hall and bistro.
Across the street from the pub lies the Norfolk Hub, functioning to serve various community needs. My earliest memories of this space was of Pallone’s Pharmacy that included a soda fountain and comic book section towards the rear. I have a cherished memory of Tom Hester, a close friend of my brother Bob, taking me to the drug store for a sundae one day. The pharmacy changed hands but retained an employee well known to everyone in town, Kevin O’Connor.
The Berkshire Country Store sits next to the Norfolk Hub. The store carries a few groceries and has a deli instead of a soda fountain. You can get the Holly’s Wild Child sandwich there, named after my niece who worked there early on. You also can get cheerful conversation and treatment from Ryan Craig, the proprietor.
What you no longer can get there are the supplies from the Norfolk Hardware Store, my first memory of that space. The Polinsky family became practically my next door neighbors when they first moved to town to start the store. I remain good friends of the family, though they are no longer here. Neither is a hardware store in town.
Across from the Berkshire Country Store lies Robertson Plaza, formerly a large patch of asphalt next to the Royal Arcanum Building that houses the pub. The plaza features stairs that go down to a boardwalk around what we ironically call City Meadows. This past summer I ran up and down the 58 steps of these stairs as much as fifty times, for a total of 2900 steps or over 1900 feet of ascending and descending. I parked Cindy in her red adult stroller at the top, looking out over the meadow towards Haystack Mountain (honestly a hill).
The Speckled Hen was another of the names of the pub, also Hawk’s Nest and Greenwoods Station. As I run up and down the stairs I sometimes see employees of the pub bringing out trash to the bins in the back. In past years our son Noah was one of those employees. Noah worked for both the bistro and the pub at a crucial time in his life. He is thriving now in large part because at one time he could walk to work, close to home. The bistro is now closed and the pub soon will be.
I started writing this post while sitting at the bar of the pub. This will be my last time here since Ken’s, Hawk’s Nest, Speckled Hen, Greenwoods Station, Wood Creek, Norfolk Pub will be closing for good at the end of the month. Heidi Forler was the proprietor of the Wood Creek and Norfolk versions. I had hoped to wish her well but on this Saturday the pub is swamped, despite the temperature being in the single digits. Lots of folks want to wish Heidi well, to let her know what the pub meant to them. In addition to good food she often served customers good hugs.
For me the pub meant a place of family gatherings. When inviting a crowd for Cindy’s birthday was no longer practical, we instead had gatherings when our grandkids came to town (along with their parents). During “outdoor season,” when I could get Cindy out in the stroller, our “dates” would be at the pub.
The pub also became the place for our anniversary celebrations. I used to order as many chicken wings as years of marriage,with garlic parmesan our favorite. That tradition ended as our marriage lasted way beyond Cindy’s life expectancy for early onset Alzheimer’s. I just did not want to eat that many wings even as leftovers.
While sitting at the bar I get to chat with Lindsey Prevuznak, the bartender for over a decade. She always asks me how Noah is doing. To my left sits Glenn Derby, who went to school with my nephew Tom. To my right Larry Hanaffin and Sally Carr sit down. Larry went to school with my brother Dave. In the steadiest town in the state of steady habits, some families remain steady residents.
We all get to chatting. I ask Sally to confirm some of my recollections for the town center. She provides a few of her own, such as there once being five restaurants in town. In a week there will be none. Gone, along with a pharmacy, groceries and hardware store. Gone, along with the Pallones and Polinskys. Even in the steadiest of towns things change.
I leave my perch at the bar and bundle up for the cold walk home. I take Lindsey’s picture, give Glenn a pat on the back and shake Larry’s hand. I wished I could have gotten one last hug from Heidi, but I am warmed by the turnout and show of support that keeps her busy as the closing of the pub draws near. I hope the proprietors around the town center remain steadily friendly and warm.
Recently I received more coverage. I will not say permanently yet, since past experience taught me better. Yet for now at least I am being confronted with the challenge of extra coverage.
The writings and music I work on take time. Giving presentations will take even more time. On the one hand extra coverage will enable me to do these things I probably need to do. On the other hand that takes me away from caring for Cindy, which I enjoy doing. The key to balancing those two things lies in the amount and timing of coverage.
That is the latest care partner problem for me to solve.
